Being a child of God is more than just going to church on Sundays. It’s a lifestyle. I used to think just going to church, saying I love God, praying, and occasionally reading the bible made me a “good” Christian. I was wrong. That is not enough. A few years back I noticed that I was dedicated and disciplined with everything else in my life except growing stronger in my faith. I made sure I exercised five days a week (not missing one day), when it was time to go out to a club or party with friends I made sure I didn’t miss it, when my job needed me to work overtime I never turned down the offer, and most definitely when it came babe the word “no” never existed. However, when it came time for me growing in my Christian walk I had every excuse in the book. When it came to Sunday evening worship I would find reasons not to go or was too lazy to go, when Wednesday night came around I was too tired or didn’t feel like sitting in more traffic to go to bible study, when it came to events or programs at my church I never volunteered to help or even go, and when we it comes to studying the word I would end up watching reality tv instead. How can I call myself a child of God when I definitely did not act like one? See I had no problem going to God when adversities came my way. When something in my life was going wrong it seemed like that’s when I needed God the most. It was bad enough that I was struggling in my Christian walk, but I was deep in my sins. I understand I’m not perfect and people make mistakes, but it seems like I was constantly making the same mistakes over and over. There are things in my life that I am not proud of. I would knowingly sin and at the time it did not bother me because whatever I was doing was making me feel good in that moment. After everything was said and done I would think about what I did and felt so embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty. I would beat myself up about the sins I’ve committed. I felt unworthy. Sometimes I wouldn’t pray. I felt like God wouldn’t want to hear my prayers. I could not continue to do this. I can’t repent and ask God to forgive me and then turn around and go back to my old ways. Me struggling in my faith was truly hurting me. I felt like I was a terrible Christian and knew I was going to hell. I believed there was no hope for me and God was done. Something had to change right? I couldn’t continue to go on with my life feeling this way.
I had to learn how to stop painting this picture that God is bad and unforgiving. My way of thinking was off during that time of my life. Growing up in the church I would hear from certain preachers, teachers, and even family members that if I sin I was going to hell. So, that was my mindset. I had to realize God didn’t bring me this far to bring me this far for nothing. When it comes to God, His forgiveness is unlimited. Now I’m not saying that I will continue to keep sinning because I know God is going to forgive me anyways. No! Being a child of God means I will have to go through difficulties in my life. God knows I will make mistakes. He could have easily ended my life in the middle of my sins. God is still loyal to me even when I am not loyal to Him. This is where I continue to do some self-reflecting. God continues again and again and again to bless me and love me when I don’t deserve it. I am a working progress but can say I thank God for the woman I am today (I am teary-eyed while writing this). He has brought me from a long way and I just don’t know where I would be if it was not for God’s forgiveness of my sins and His grace and mercy. God is truly AMAZING.
Whatever you are going through at this very moment stop beating yourself up. God knows you are broken. There is a war going on inside of you between doing what’s right and doing what’s wrong. You try so hard to do what’s right and sometimes end up doing wrong. God knows you will sin. And He still loves you. You don’t have to hold your head down in guilt because He has already forgiven you through His grace and mercy. So what if other people talk about you. And when I say other people that’s family, friends, and church folks. People are always going to talk about you and have something to say. Live your life for God. Do some self-reflecting and I guarantee you that you will realize how Great God has been to you. When trials and tribulations come your way increase your praying. When you increase your praying, start to increase your faith. God loves you regardless of your mess. You’re still here in 2018.