Do you ever think why me? Why am I going through this? I have done everything right, I pray every day, go to church, read the bible, a law-abiding citizen, and overall a good person. I man don’t get me wrong I make mistakes, complain, can be negative at times, and sin. Yes, I’m a Christian and I sin. I am not proud of that. I know as a child I should not be sinning; I have been taught to do what’s right, but there are times I care about what my flesh wants. I want to feel good in the moment and have some fun. It never crosses my mind how I’m disappointing and hurting God. In the end I have to ask myself was it worth it? After all the “fun” and “feeling good” I feel terrible. How could I be so stupid? Every time I’m on the path of growing in my faith I slip right back into old habits.
It’s sad that I have been in the church my whole life and it had to take something devastating to happen in order for me to get right with God. This news was going to change the rest of my life in the most excruciating way. I was confused, traumatized, and angry. There are people a lot worse than me that don’t go through this, why did God allow this to happen to me?!?! I was so consumed with madness due to the consequences of my sins that I blamed God. I told myself He did this to me. Now I know I haven’t been the best Christian, but I still didn’t deserve this type of agony. I was done! I was done going to church, reading the bible, and praying. God has already punished me so there was no point of me trying to live right.
A very close friend of mine heard what happened. She was very supportive, nonjudgmental, and was truly there for me in this dark time. She heard me foolishly talking about how I was ready to give up on my faith and she quickly set me straight. She was disappointment to hear me talk with so much disrespect towards God. She told me that God didn’t allow anything to happen. It was normal to have these feelings and go through the emotions, but this was not the time to pull away from God, but to lean on Him even more. This was testing my faith. Its easy to love God when everything is going well, but now when I’m facing really hard times, I was ready to call it quits on my faith. She was right. I broke down. I was so ashamed and felt so unworthy. How could I abandon my faith? Most of all walk away from God.
I cried and cried and cried some more. I got down on my knees and begged God to forgive me. I was truly lost. I prayed that God gave me the strength to get through this storm and even though I may not understand, He has a plan and purpose. He has never failed me. A few days later I received the best news of my life. The devastating news turned into a miracle!!! I was screaming, shouting, crying, and so much more. It was unbelievable. Even after I was ready to give up on God, He once again showed me how amazing He truly is. God was telling me didn’t I tell you I got you!!! I’m a testimony.
Hold on to your faith! Let me say it again, HOLD ON TO YOUR FAITH! God will come through on time, in the right time, EVERYTIME! Don’t believe Satan’s lies, he wants you defeated and to walk away from your faith and God. When you think it’s over, God will amaze you in your victory. It will shock and surprise you. No matter what you’re going through, believe me when I say God didn’t bring you this far for nothing. He is not done with you. Trust that God is working everything out. You will be a testimony. God will continue to show up and show out throughout your life.
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