Sometimes I wonder why I allowed myself to be treated so badly by my ex-boyfriend. Why did I keep allowing him to take advantage of my kind heart? Why did I allow him to keep disrespecting me? Why did I keep forgiving & taking him back? Why do I still love him? Out of all those questions the one question that was difficult for me to answer, why didn’t I know my worth?
Now that I think about it, I don’t think he ever really loved me. He probably had love for me, but he was never in love with me. I made it okay, for some silly reason I wanted something close to love, even if it meant being half loved that was good enough for me. I accepted that type of love because I thought that’s what I deserved. I was so stupid in love I allowed myself to mentally & verbally abused, used, ignored, disrespected, and so much more. I was a stupid woman who continued to do things for a man who mistreated me, how embarrassing to admit that. I gave my beautiful heart, mind, and, body to a man who didn’t even deserve me. He knew I was stupid. Yes, stupid. I am an intelligent, respectful, hard-working, and God-fearing woman who acted foolish over a guy. What was wrong with me? Why did I allow this man to determine my worth?!?!? The answer is simple. I have said it over a million times, I was in love with him. This man severely broke my heart and like a silly woman I made him my everything, I gave him the power to determine my worth.
Two years. It took two years for me to finally realize my worth. I had to do a lot of healing, learning to love myself, get out of my comfort zone, going through the emotions, praying, and most importantly putting God first. I was putting a man first. I put my Christianity and God aside, because my man was my life. I am so ashamed to admit that, but I must be honest. Because of that, those years with him I was lost, depressed, had low self-esteem, and even questioning my existence. I was in a dark place. I thank God for ending my relationship. I thank God for allowing him to walk away. The termination of my relationship brought me closer to God. Even though I was gone, God never left my side. Never. God saved me from misery. My ex was in my life for a reason. He was my lesson. It may have been a hurtful lesson, but trust me I learned a lot.
To all my beautiful ladies please, please, please listen to me when I say NO MAN DETERMINES YOUR WORTH!!! Falling in love is a beautiful thing, but don’t mistake that for being foolish. And never ever, ever, ever make a man your life!!!! Don’t give him that power. That is the most dangerous thing you can do to yourself. You are smart, beautiful, independent, and a child of God. You have family and friends that love you. God didn’t bring you this far to bring you this far. Just sit back and think about all your blessings. Right now learn to love yourself. Focus on you and understand you deserve the best. Know your worth.
Love,
Jas
Leave a Reply