I’m Going to Hell

Do you ever feel like God is done with you? You feel like because you are a sinner God is angry with you and now He is going to punish you for all the sins you have committed? Every time you go to church it feels like the preacher is directing the sermon to you. Now you feel guilty, ashamed, and not worthy. You feel like a horrible Christian that has done terrible things and there is no hope for you. How can God love a sinner like me? Why would He continue to bless someone like me? Every time I sinned I would beg God for forgiveness, I would cry, feel awful for the things I have done, and I would promise myself and God that I would never ever sin again. The hard part about is the devil knew what my weakness was, and he knew it would only work on me. I would try so hard I really would. There was a war in my head of trying to be a good and faithful Christian woman and for some reason I would always end up making the wrong choices. I would go to church every Sunday morning enjoy the singing and sermon and make a vow that this would be the time I would get it together. I’m going to read my bible more, participate in more church events, invite friends to come with me to church, and I would stop doing things in my relationship that I had no business doing. I would feel so good because I was about to start a new chapter in my life. I was on the right track, but here I go again, reverting to my old ways. At this point I knew God was done with me, all hope was gone, and I had made up in my mind I was going to hell. I know I don’t have powers to predict the future, but no one could tell me otherwise, I was going to hell and that scared me.

Children of God don’t want to talk about this topic. Being a sinner and not this supposedly perfect Christian you think is embarrassing for family, friends, and church members to find out. They could never find out that you had a problem with sex, drugs, alcohol, or did some time in prison because now you would be treated like an outsider. Like something is wrong with you. No one would want to hang out with you or even sit next to you in church because they remember who you were in the past. Its ashamed because even though you are taking every effort in growing in your faith and moving on from your past people constantly keep reminding you or others simply won’t forget about it. Nosey family must remind you what you did in the past (or now) was a sin and you’re going to hell. People at church make you feel guilty. Sometimes certain preachers will make you feel bad about what you have done and tell you there is no place in Heaven for sinners like you (yes, there are preachers out there like that). Even after you’ve sinned and asked God for forgiveness you can’t forgive yourself. God will wipe the slate clean and you still can’t let it go. You still can’t forgive yourself and walk around with guilt. You have painted this picture of God that He is bad and unforgiving. I used to think like that. My mindset and how I viewed God was so messed because of what I learned from family, friends, church members, and even preachers. Well that changed. God is not this bad person that will strike you dead. If that was the case He would have done it in the middle of your sin, but what does God do instead? HE FORGIVES YOU. HE DROPS ALL THE CHARGES. Why? Because He loves you. God sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins. God didn’t bring you this far just to bring you this far. He has a purpose for you. The things you have done in your past LET IT GO. Those things had to happen because it taught you a lesson and shaped you into the person you are today. Your past can remind you of how far you have come, and you need to proud of that. Even if you’re not where you want to be right now please, please, please understand God has a destination for you. Forget about what people will say or if they judge you, their opinion means nothing, and you don’t need their validation! Thank God for never ever giving up on you and never leaving your side. Keep praying, keep working on yourself, and live for God.