Two years ago, I had my heart broken by the only man I had ever truly loved. Heartbreak and my faith is the foundation of why I started this blog. My breakup crushed me. The most dangerous thing I did to myself was I made my ex my ENTIRE life. I gave every ounce of me to that man. Everything I did was for him because the goal was to one day become his wife and the mother of his children. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The relationship came to an excruciating end and I fell into a dark depression. I was sad ALL the time, cried everyday pretty much all day, and I wanted to be left alone. I just knew we would get back together. We would argue and do the silent treatment for a couple of days, maybe a few weeks and end up back together. This time was different. A couple of days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. This time it was over for good.
Moving on was the most difficult thing to do. I didn’t know where to begin with my life. Do I call him? Text him? Maybe if he saw how hurt I was he would feel bad and take me back. Maybe he needs sometime away from me to figure things out and he would come to his senses and get back with me. That’s what I used to tell myself to feel better. But deep down inside I knew that was never going to happen. I had to remind myself I was with an a$$hole for five years. I tried so hard not to think about him. I was a great girlfriend. I did EVERYTHING he wanted me to do. Yea I may have nagged a couple of times (maybe more) but I nagged to spend more time with him. Is that wrong? I didn’t want nothing from him. Most girls only care about what type of car a man is driving, money, designer clothes and handbags. Not me. All I wanted was his love, affection, time, and attention. That was too much for him. I would sit at my cubicle at work, sit in traffic, and go to bed wondering what did I do so bad for him to leave me? How was I going to move on? Why do people make it sound so easy when truth is it’s not.
People will judge you, look at you crazy, and think something is wrong with you for not getting over an ex. Because of this I rushed through the emotions. I would put on a front. I didn’t want to tell people that I was dying inside from this heartbreak. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I didn’t want people to know I was severely depressed and sad because I knew they would talk about me. I know there are other women like me and I wanted to use my stories to let them know they are not alone. I eventually stop caring what other people thought about me. This was about me and no one else. After while I started to pick up the pieces, but it didn’t help when people would say, “girl let him go” or “it’s time to move on”. I KNOW I NEED TO MOVE ON AND LET HIM GO BUT ITS HARD! I wish people stop saying that. If you have never experienced this pain don’t say anything to me and if you did experience this pain and was able to move on congratulations. I am not you so stop trying to project your feelings on me. No one knows the answer to how long it will take for you to move on from a heartbreak. You can read all the articles and books in the world, but it depends on you. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for missing your ex or how long its taking you to move on. If I could tell my heart to let him go and start dating a new man in a few weeks I would, but I can’t help who I love. If you’re going through a heartbreak and feel like life without him is impossible I know exactly how you feel. Take it one day at a time. The healing process will hurt more than actual breakup. Regardless of what anyone says or thinks about me I will continue to share more stories of the relationship that almost broke me and how God, yes God made me into the woman I am today. You may not know why or what’s next but the one thing you can be certain about is God is in control.
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