Something told me not to do it. Not to get back with my ex. When he broke my heart the first time I made a promise to myself to never talk to him again. But I decided to give him a second chance. The minute I got that, “hey” text I should have just deleted it. But instead I responded. It was so unexpected. Whatever I was doing before had come to a sudden stop. It didn’t matter if I was driving, cooking, at the movies or dinner, in class, or work. Getting that “hey” text had taken over my whole body. My heart started beating fast. I started sweating. I was asking myself a ton of questions, what should I say besides hey? Do I respond right away? Does it make me look desperate? Should I wait awhile before I respond? Does this mean he misses me? And then came the, “I miss you” text. I read that text like 30 times. That text made my whole day. That text was everything to me. It meant he couldn’t move on, he made a mistake, he could not find another woman like me, and he was still in love. So, I did what any other girl would have probably done, I responded, “I miss you too”. I did though. I really missed him. I have said it before and I will say it again this was the first man I have ever loved. No, he was not the best boyfriend. He hurt me, but I told myself no one is perfect.
We were young and maybe he wasn’t ready to be a committed boyfriend back then. He was older now and ready to be a man. And I’m not going to lie I was ready to take him back in a heartbeat. After talking and texting for some time we decided to go out to dinner. Seeing him was the medicine I needed to feel happy again (so I thought). I couldn’t believe I was sitting across the table, laughing and smiling with a man I thought I would never see again. I had missed this for so long and it felt so good to be in presence. It felt like we never ended. When he asked me if I was ready to give him another shot I was hesitant at first. I know I was excited that he was back in my life, but the past was still lingering in the back of my head. I still had doubts. He noticed I was hesitant and reassured me I had nothing to worry about. He promised me that this time would be better, and he wanted a life with me. He told me not to worry. He said, “I won’t hurt you again”. I believed him. He wouldn’t have come back into my life just to open the same wound right? Wrong! If I could rewind back time I would have never ever, ever, ever responded to that text. Absolutely nothing changed. Instead it was worse than before. I lost myself terribly. I can’t even tell you who I was before I met him. Giving him a second chance was one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made in my life.
If you could tell yourself to stop loving him, you would. If you could tell yourself don’t answer the phone when he calls, you would. Don’t respond when he texts you. Stop thinking about him. Stop crying over him. You would. Unfortunately, it is not that easy. For some women it is and for others it takes time. For some reason guys can tell when you are doing better without them and when they hit you up wanting to work things out you think okay my life is now complete. He’s back. He will probably make so many promises to be a better man and you will believe him. And that’s okay. Its normal. Its not my place to judge or tell any women not to give their ex a second chance because I did. But if I can say this, going back to an ex no matter how strong it is will not work. It’s like seeing a movie over and over, you already know how it ends. The same. What exactly will change the second time around? If God showed you all the signs that this man was no good, why would you go back? Why are you running back to what hurt you? If God brought you out of that relationship leave. Stop blocking your blessing running back to the dark. This was a painful lesson for me to learn and I really really don’t want this to happen to another beautiful, God-fearing woman. Before you make any decisions to get back with an ex please pray about it. Don’t ask your family, friends, or co-workers. Go to God first and listen.
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