Sometimes I’m over him and other days I miss him. There are times I’m proud of myself for not contacting him. I didn’t give in, I didn’t text, call, email, or stalk his social media. On the other hand, when I get around my friends or family members and hear them talking about their relationships it makes me wish I was in a relationship too. At times I wonder if he is thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him? Does he even miss me? I would tell myself I know I’m over him, but why do I still miss him? I think about all the times he mistreated me, disrespected me, humiliated me, and made me cry. I would tell myself that’s why we are not together and I made the right decision to walk away. He showed me his true colors so there was absolutely no reason for me to miss him. Right? But, for some reason whenever I was around my friends or sisters and hear them talking about their boyfriends, I would go right back to missing him. Now I know this man was not the one for me. So, I had to ask myself what exactly was I missing?
When I’m bored at work I think about him. When I’m sitting in traffic trying to keep from falling asleep I think about him (sometimes). When I hear other women talk about their relationships I think about him. Even when I’m at home on the couch watching a romantic movie I think about him. I had to ask myself, do I truly miss him or am I bored? It seemed like I only missed him when I had nothing to do. After I would snap out of my daydream or be wide awake from sitting in traffic I started to also think about how he treated me.
See when I did start to miss him I missed the old him. When he always wanted me over his house, when he cooked for me, and when he took me out to the movies or dinner. Those were the memories that flooded my mind. In the past, I held him on this pedestal, he did no wrong in my eyes. If any of my friends or family members started to talk bad about him I would find myself being defensive. Now that has changed. I fast forward to how much of a jerk he was to me and all those mushy feelings I thought I missed about him was now gone. When I really thought about it the bad outweighed the good. I know I made the right decision to move on. To finally let go even though it was the most difficult thing for me to do. So again, I asked myself why was I thinking about him if I had moved on? What exactly was I missing?
The answer is easy I was bored. Most of the time I had nothing to do. I didn’t miss my ex, I just wanted someone to fill in the gaps (love, affection, and being romantic) that my ex left behind. I felt like since everybody else was in a relationship I needed to be in one too. Understand when you think you miss your ex, you don’t. You are over him. Right now, your just craving companionship. Its normal. But don’t feel like you need a man to make you happy. Go back to how he made you feel when you were in a relationship. Remember the times he lied, played games, cheated, or took you for granted. You are thinking about your ex because you have nothing to do, nobody to keep you company, and nobody to occupy your mind with. You miss the excitement. Planning what and where to go on the weekends, Netflix and chill, someone to send text messages to and to kiss. I get it. I have been there, but please don’t run back to the one person that broke you.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. If God wanted you to be with him, you guys would still be together. I know it’s hard to comprehend what went wrong. Let me be clear your happiness does not depend on your ex or any men in general. You are human. You have feelings. You are going to be thinking about guys. You want companionship. However, I want to reiterate that you do not miss your ex, he is just the most recent guy you were dealing with so that’s why he comes to mind. Please be patient. Don’t try to rush into a relationship because all your friends are in one. That was my mistake. I know God has someone out there for me, just like he has someone out there for you. Focus on you. Being a better you. God is going to surprise you with a love you never experienced before and this new love will be better than what you prayed for. Trust God.
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