Don’t Judge Her

I can’t stand women who give their opinions regarding someone else’s relationship. It is very annoying and irritating. When I was going through my issues with my ex I wanted to reach out to family and friends. I wanted somebody to talk to, but I knew if I told them what was going on I was going to be judged.

I recently saw an episode on the TV show, The People’s Court, where a young girl was suing her ex-boyfriend for a loan. The judge asked her how she met her boyfriend and the young girl said through Facebook. The judge asked her how long was she dating the gentleman before she gave him the loan and the girl said six weeks. The judge started to say how foolish she was for helping a guy she barely knew and the girl smiled and agreed. The judge then asked if she had done this before with previous boyfriends and the girl replied, “yes”. The judge shouted, “you have serious self-esteem issues, how about the money your about to win you use it to seek help”. The girl starts to laugh, most likely hiding from embarrassment and humiliation, the judge then scorns her by telling her this was no laughing matter she needs help. It took a minute for what the judge was saying to sink in and after a few minutes, her smile turned into tears.

While I was watching that episode I could relate to the girl. I felt her pain, humiliation, and her embarrassment. I believe the girl had tunnel vision, something I used to have. No matter how he talked or treated her, no matter how many times and family and friends said he was no good, no matter how many times she felt alone or cried herself to sleep all she saw was him. When you are in love nothing else matters. There is nothing no one can say about your man that will convince you to leave him. I loved my ex, I was seriously in love with him and there was nothing no one could say that would make me want to leave or stop doing things for him. I wanted someone to talk to so bad, who could relate to my relationship or even relate to me and my feelings about my ex. Someone who could have told me I have been there done that repeatedly. Someone who wasn’t going to judge me, call me names, or talk behind my back. When I did let my guard down and open to people I thought I could trust, it was one of the biggest mistakes.

Most women like to project their feelings on your relationship. I have heard, “if it was me I would have left him”, “I don’t know why you do things for him he’s just using you”, or “girl you stupid or dumb for staying with him”. Don’t get me wrong when I did open up to some family (church family too) and friends I would complain about whenever me and my ex would get into arguments, but that didn’t make him a bad man. Every relationship has its difficulties and most of the time versions of the stories can be one-sided, but that still doesn’t give you a right to judge me. Just because I did stuff for my man at the time doesn’t mean he is using me! As a woman, I wanted to always be there for him and if he was going through some rough patches he should be able to lean on his girl (and of course God) for assistance. There is nothing wrong with that, but you will have other women who will call you names and gossip about you. We are all different. Each woman may have some similarities in their relationships, but we all have different feelings, emotions, and methods of how we handle our relationships.

I have said this many times, going through a heartbreak is extremely painful. Some women can deal with heartbreak better than others. They can move on and days, weeks, maybe months later be in other committed relationship. Some women it takes time to get over an ex. Do not judge how another woman is dealing with pain or heartbreak especially if you have never experienced it yourself. Do not judge a woman for staying with a man you know or assume is no good for her. Let her find out on her own, because no matter the warning signs or even his inconsistency she will still be with him. Sometimes the best teacher is your last mistake. There is always a reason people meet, either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs. Just because things didn’t work out in your relationship doesn’t mean they won’t work out in someone else’s. Don’t judge her because you don’t know what storm God has asked her to walk through. God makes NO mistakes. Sometimes He uses situations to help shape and prepare us for something better. Trust His plan even if you don’t understand it. If you have a sister, friend, cousin, or co-worker who is experiencing relationship be a friend and listen. It’s okay to give advice and constructive criticism but don’t judge her. All she wants is someone who will love, respect, and care about her feelings.