I spent 5 years with him. I made him my everything. For the past 5 years he was all I knew and now he is a stranger. Since the break-up, it has been difficult to move on. It doesn’t matter who broke up with who first, what words were exchanged, or how things ended, it is never easy to walk away from the man you once loved. However, I did and now we don’t speak at all. After so many years of lack of communication, arguments, pain, hating and loving him, I would have never thought we would have gotten to this point. Although, I had experienced heartbreak with him before this time was different.
I stayed in this relationship for so long not realizing I was single and alone. We had the title as boyfriend and girlfriend, but we were not in a real relationship. I started to lose feelings for him and didn’t know who he was anymore. We started to grow apart, but I stuck around believing he would change. Every time we broke up, we still acted like a couple. We still went out on dates, communicated, and spent the night at each other homes. But now, we were not on speaking terms at all. I didn’t know why this time was different from the other breakups. No text, no call, no pop ups at the house, not even an email from him. I was not use this. I was used to him always coming back. Days went by, which turned into weeks, and then months and it finally hit me……. he was now a stranger.
How could he forget about me? is it really that easy to erase me from your life? Like we never dated? I know some people think it is not a good idea to remain friends with your ex and to some extent I agree, but like I stated before I was with this man for five years, he knew everything about me and I knew everything about him and to no longer be on speaking terms felt like my world ended. All I had was memories. It felt like a death.
I used to tell myself I don’t think I will get over him. It seemed like everything around me reminded me of him. If someone said certain places like Las Vegas, I would think about the time we went there for Labor Day weekend, if someone made enchiladas I would think of the delicious shrimp enchiladas he would make for me, and even though he has a common name, I rarely heard it while we dated. BUT now I hear this man name all the time! In movies, tv shows, songs, and at work! I used to think was this a sign he was thinking about me? (Lol) As much as I missed this relationship, it had to end. It was toxic. I had to understand we were not compatible. It was better to end things now before we wasted another five years.
It is never easy when a relationship ends. You are faced with heartache, pain, betrayal, sadness, and depression. You feel like the man you loved has removed you from his life and now you’re stuck picking up the pieces. Letting go is hard and moving on is challenging, but never make someone your everything. I understand that you can’t tell your heart to forget all the memories you shared with him. Birthdays, holidays, first kiss, dates, and other events will forever be stuck in the back of your mind. That man is now a stranger and life goes on. You have to accept the fact the relationship has come to an end. Healing takes time. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person. I had to come to terms that was no longer the case. I went through the emotions. I was sad, depressed, stressed, and hurt. I had to get my life on track. Being stuck in a dark cloud was not going to help me move on.
I started to do things that made me happy, so I continued to work out, run and the beach, went out with friends and pray. Yes pray. He is a stranger for a reason, and looking back, I’m thankful we are strangers. Because we were in an off and on relationship nothing really changed. There was no real growth between us and old issues still came up and we would end up being “off” once again. That was not a healthy relationship. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too much. I had to be strong enough and walk away. And I did. It was the best decision I made. No more crying. No more feeling alone. God knew he was not the man for me and removed him for my protection. Trust and believe God will bless you with a man who has better intentions for you than someone you have known for years. God wants to see you happy! He will place you in the hands of a man who He believes deserves you.
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