Do you ever regret being in a relationship with someone? I know I do. Sometimes I look back at everything I went through and say why? Why did I put up with him for so long? I was so ready to end the relationship years ago. I would tell myself I can’t do this anymore. I can’t allow him to take me for granted. I can’t allow him to disrespect me. I can’t deal with his anger and outburst. I can’t be with someone who is not affectionate. This is it I’m going to tell him how much I love him, but we need to go our separate ways. I would say that all the time. But I never followed through. When I would meet up with him for dinner, lunch, or just to chill I would get cold feet. There were times where I gained enough courage to tell him I wasn’t happy and I think we need to end it. He was good with his words and would talk me out of it and promised that things would get better. That made me feel good to know he was also fighting for our relationship. After a while his words meant nothing. His temper, disrespect, arrogance, and his whole demeanor got worse. I was such an idiot. Why did I allow him to tell me no??? Why did I allow him to smooth talk me, touch me in the right place, and make me forget how he has treated me for the past couple of years? I don’t know why I kept doing this to myself. I was UNHAPPY! Yes, we had some good times, but the bad times outweighed the good times. The longer I stayed with him the more I was hurting myself emotionally and physically (I was making myself sick). Everything he put me through made me regret ever being introduced to him (I met him through a friend).
One of the hardest things for me was deciding whether to walk away or try harder. I knew, I knew he was no good for me. So why did I stay with him? Well, honestly, he was all I knew. For five years going on six I didn’t know how it was to be with another man. I was with him throughout all my 20s. I spent so much time waiting to see if he would change to be a better man for me. I did so much for him that I didn’t want to let him go and allow another female to reap the benefits of what I had molded him to be. I didn’t realize that in his mind he knew I wasn’t going anywhere. He knew I would do anything for him. Sad thing was he was right. I loved him more than I loved myself. I was so scared of losing him I didn’t care about nothing else. I wasn’t worried about my faith or my relationship with God (I’m telling I was terrible). I was more concerned about my man and making him happy. What have I become? I put this man before everything and everyone, even my faith and truth is I wasn’t even on his priority list.
My ex-boyfriend changed me for the worst. He had so much power over me (how pathetic). Every word, dislike, or criticism would have such a huge effect. I wasn’t myself and I forgot who I was before I met him. The breakup was extremely, extremely bad. We said and did hurtful things to each other. We hit low blows. As silly as this may sound I’m grateful that it got that bad because if it didn’t I would still be with that fool till this day. I would not be the woman I am today. I’m finally putting myself first and accomplishing my goals. My self-esteem is better. My faith is stronger. And most importantly my relationship with God is a success. This didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t take days, weeks, or months. This took me a year to get myself together and better myself as a Christian woman.
Don’t beat yourself up or regret for giving your love to the wrong man. As we all know by now God put people in your life as a blessing or lesson. My ex was definitely a lesson. I now know how a man is supposed to treat me. With love and respect and so much more. I know what I will not accept in a relationship. I know if a man is not ready to add value into my life I don’t need him to interrupt what I have going on. I know it’s hard but don’t live life with regrets. What’s done is done. You can’t change the fact you were with him. Yes, you may be mad that you wasted so much time, but who’s to say that wouldn’t have happened with another man? God put that man in your life for a reason. You may not understand why, but He did. As hurtful as it was what you experienced will help you to become a better woman and for you learn how to be alone. God wants you to focus on you. God knows what you went through. In this time of waiting better yourself. Go back to school, get fit, start your own business, or take a vacation. Sitting at home with regrets will not accomplish anything. Learn from what you went through and move on. And ALWAYS trust God.