Every time I talked to her it was always drama. It was always a problem with something or somebody. Whether it be her relationship, kids, money, family, friends, or house it was something new every time we talked. She was sooooooooooooo negative which would make me negative. Talking to her most of the time was draining. After I get off the phone with her or leave her house I would end up feeling exhausted and unhappy. Please don’t get me wrong she was a good friend at times. I knew I could call her in the middle of the night and she would be there (I would too if it was her), she was there when I went through my breakup, when I was depressed, and when we hung out we always had a great time. However, she was very competitive. I can’t say she was genuinely happy for me. When I acquired something she always felt the need to get it bigger and better. When I got a new car, she went out and bought a luxury car, when I got a new job she had to remind me how she was making six figures with no degree (I had a degree but wasn’t making six figures), when my ex bought me an iPad 2 she asked her boyfriend to buy her an iPad 3, even when it came to hair!!!! She would send me pictures of how her hair was growing and would ask me to send her photos of my hair to see whose hair was longer. There was so many red flags about our friendship that I didn’t notice at the time or that I didn’t want to see. I told this girl everything. She was my friend for over 4 years. I loved and trusted her. It’s amazing how I thought I knew her so well. Come to find out I didn’t know her at all. Her true colors started to show within time.
To most people friends are like family. She was my family. She was like another sister. However, this friendship was starting to have a negative impact on me. I was already going through so much. I was dealing with a breakup which had taken a huge toll on me, struggling with my faith thinking God was done with me, depressed, stressed, and this friendship was weighing me down. She treated me as if I was her girlfriend. If I didn’t call or text her she went crazy, if I hung out with other friends she got jealous, or if I didn’t drive out to see her she gave me the silent treatment (mind you she lived 2 hours away). If I had plans to go out to have some fun whether it be going to a party on Halloween or New Year’s Eve she would convinced me not to go and stay home. She felt like because she was going out than I shouldn’t either. She wanted me all to herself. Even though she would go out with other friends and did stuff without me for some odd reason she didn’t want me doing it. Now I know some of you are probably thinking if you knew all this why did you remain friends? At the time, I didn’t notice her behavior. I recently started to pay attention to who she was and over the years she changed. She started to be emotionally manipulative and made me feel guilty about our friendship. If I didn’t call her every day to console her about her relationship, she would remind me how she called me when I went through my breakup. She ALWAYS compare me to her other friends. Even after I would tell her it was disrespectful she continued to do it. I started to limit my contact with her. When she called I didn’t answer, when she texted I never responded, when she would come to LA I and wanted to hangout I would come up with excuses or say I had plans even when I didn’t. The final straw was when we got into an argument and everything I told her she threw back in my face (watch who you share your secrets with). At this point we were both hitting below the belt. Neither one of us was backing down (I sure wasn’t). The argument only ended because we both just hung up the phone. It was awful and sad that it came to that. This wasn’t me. She crossed so many boundaries. No matter how many talks we had nothing was going to change. Her actions already spoke the truth about her character. I had to end this toxic friendship. It was too much.
Just like a relationship, a friendship can cause emotional, mental, spiritual, and sometimes physical damage. There are times you have good news whether it’s a promotion, marriage proposal, new home or car and you hide this excitement because you know your friend is going to be jealous, envious, negative, or try to be competitive. This is not a friend. Friends should want to see each other be successful. It’s a great feeling knowing that you have friends who are in Christ, positive, want the best for each other, and want to have and share memories with you. Sometimes it’s not worth losing a friend over something that can be work out, but some friendships are simply not meant to be. There are some friends that can’t be in your circle. You are allowed to terminate toxic friendships. You are allowed to walk away from friends who hurt or disrespect you. You don’t hate or dislike that person you just lost respect and realize that no matter what you say or do nothing will change. I still love my friend, but there was no way our friendship was going to get better. I had to conclude there are some chapters in my life God simply needed to close. Life is too short to have toxic people in your life. As your life changes, so will your circle. God removes people from your life for a reason. Don’t ignore the signs or be so quick to have them back in your life.