After experiencing a painful break up I never wanted to get into another relationship again. My biggest fear was to fall in love again. I would ask myself, what if he treats me the same way my ex did? What if he is disrespectful like my ex? What if he awakens my love only to hurt me? I was now thinking every guy was going to be like him. I was so used to being hurt and disappointed. I built this wall that was so hard to break. I thought it would be impossible to find love again.

Movies and tv shows can make falling in love look so easy. However, the uncomfortable truth is falling in love takes time. Opening yourself up to that person, sharing secrets, giving 100% to that person, being intimate, and loving him for who he is and not trying to change him doesn’t happen overnight. Once the love ended I turned into a different person. I became very negative, bitter, angry, irritated, and was always in a bad mood. If a guy did show interest in me I would turn him away, lie and say I had a boyfriend (even though I didn’t), or if I did start talking to someone I didn’t show interest in him. I would not call or text him, I would make up excuses of why I couldn’t go out and eventually it would lead to a dead end. It’s not that I didn’t like the guys I would talk to or I didn’t want to find love again, I was trying to protect myself from being hurt and disappointed in ways similar to how I was hurt and disappointed in the past. I told myself I can’t let what happen in my last relationship dictate my future.

I realized I’m in charge of my feelings, my heart, and my emotions. God never said life would be easy. Heartbreak happens. I knew that man was not a good fit for me. I knew he was shallow. I knew he was not husband material. God showed me time and time again. I ignored every sign and refused to see this man for he was and when I finally did I was so upset that I wasted 5 years. And those 5 years turned me into a nasty person and had me thinking all men was like my ex. I was scared that I couldn’t be loved by another man. I started to blame myself for the relationship ending. What if I mess again? What if I miss all the signs God shows me again? What if I fall in love again with someone who treats me badly? I had to get rid of the monsters in my head. I was holding myself and possibly my future husband hostage because of my ex. I was already assuming the worst before a relationship even started.

I had to have the courage and come clean with who I really was. I had to self-reflect. I know what type of person I am. I’m loving, caring, considerate, truthful, honest, and most importantly God-fearing. I was not going to allow bad memories in my last relationship prevent me from loving again. I come across nice men all the time. I mean really good men that could be husband material. So, I know they are out there. I had to step out on faith and find the courage to move forward with a new man and begin the whole process of falling in love again. Starting over will not be easy. When you start to date it is going to be scary. You are going to think this man treating me good it is too good to be true or your waiting for him to mess up. Do you know you are a child of God? He realized what you have been through and wants to see you happy. You must be brave enough to have the courage to take a risk and love again. God will make a way for your new relationship to succeed. Remember one man’s overlooked blessing is another man’s happily ever after. If your single right now, don’t feel bad. It is not a status. You are strong and patient enough to work on you and enjoy life while waiting on God’s best for you.

Written by Jasmeen Sims

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