According to the Oxford Dictionary a boyfriend is, “a regular male companion with whom one has a romantic or sexual relationship”. So many women are making the mistake of giving husband privileges to their boyfriends. My then boyfriend was my best friend, my boo, someone I cuddle with, went out to dinner & to the movies with, and who I thought would be my future husband. With that being said, I must admit,  I was more than a girlfriend. It seems like my main priority was making sure he was happy and well taken care of. I was giving him more than husband privileges, I was committed to playing wife to a man who was treating me like my title a, “girlfriend”.

Now there is nothing wrong with giving your all into a relationship, especially if he treats you good and potentially be the one. But, if you are the only one giving your all into a relationship and going out of your way to make him happy and it’s not being reciprocated that can be a problem. If your anything like me that did not matter, unfortunately all I cared about was making my boo happy, even if it meant putting his needs before mines. After dealing with an on and off relationship for five years and a painful heartbreak, I have learned a great deal from my previous relationship and even through experiences from some family and friends.

There were times I would cooked dinner for him, if he needed groceries in his home I made sure to get them, if he needed assistance with any bill I was there for him, being affectionate and romantic, if he didn’t want to do his laundry I would tell him I got it (even though I did not like doing my own laundry), and if he needed money of course I was ALWAYS there to give it to him. Don’t get me wrong these things were nice to do and I was trying to be a good girlfriend, but I had to ask myself, “why exactly am I doing this? What will I benefit from being a great girlfriend to him? Yes, when you are in a relationship, you are a team. I was supposed to do things for my man and vice versa, but I didn’t realize at the time I was doing all this for a man who WAS NOT MY HUSBAND!!!

I realized I was giving my then boyfriend husband privileges because I wanted him to see I was wife material. I wanted him to notice that not only am I a good Christian woman and educated, but I know how to cook, I’m financially stabled, dress well, got my own car, my own place, and know how to take care of him. Even though he would noticed the things I did for him, I don’t think he was appreciative. I don’t think he realized he had a good woman, he felt like this was my job to take care of him and make him happy. I would see all my friends and sisters in good relationships that they have been in for a while and could lead to marriage. I wanted that too. So, I continue to give my man these privileges assuming that one of these days he would proposed and I would be engaged and be his wife. Well, we see how they turn out, lol (I’m single). I was giving more to my boyfriend than I was giving to myself. I realized a man must see me for me and not for the things I could do or give him.

God created marriage for a man and woman to spend the rest of their lives together. A wife is someone to be intimate with, build a family, share secrets, feelings, and to love forever better or worse. I had to realize I couldn’t ignore God’s process, His plan for marriage. My boyfriend was just that a boyfriend not my husband. We have all heard the saying, “Why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free.” Everything I was doing for him didn’t guarantee a marriage proposal. And if I continue to give him this treatment there would be no point in looking forward to a marriage since I’m already playing his wife. A man has done nothing for you until he has made you his wife, so your “boyfriend” does not get to have these benefits. Being a wife to your boyfriend doesn’t mean he will make you the one. Please believe while you are playing wifey, he is not playing hubby to you. Stop idolizing boyfriends! Place boundaries on what it means to be a girlfriend/boyfriend. I was that girl who wanted to please my man because I didn’t want him to leave or cheat. I would do outrageous things for him that I wouldn’t even do for myself. Don’t try to force a man to make you his wife. If you’re in a relationship and marriage is not the goal don’t waste any more time with him. God already knows before you do who your husband will be. He knows you are a good woman and will bless you with a man you never expected. God will show out! So, sit back and be patient and let God continue to design your future husband.

Written by Jasmeen Sims

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