When I was in a relationship with my ex I would see pictures on social media of couples; the trips they would take, date nights, Netflix and chill and I would notice how affectionate they were towards each other. I would also have friends tell me how amazing their boyfriends were and the things they did for them. After seeing posts on social media and having friends brag about how great their boyfriends were made me feel like I was with a loser. How come my boyfriend wasn’t affectionate and romantic like the girls on Instagram? Besides Las Vegas, Palm Springs, or Miami, how come my boyfriend didn’t plan a trip out of the country for me? How come my boyfriend didn’t spend every weekend with me? How come the times he did spend with me it would be half days instead of full days? I was really starting to envy my friends relationships and despise mines. One of my friend’s boyfriend was always planning what they were going to do over the weekend, he would always send her cute texts and call her, every time I saw them it seemed like they could never keep their hands off each other. They never called each other by their names it was always “babe”. I would always say to myself, “why can’t my boyfriend be like that”? (Why can’t I have the storybook, romantic comedy, fairytale love life like everyone else) Just so my boyfriend didn’t seem like a total loser to my friends, I started to make up how he would treat me (I know I know that’s pathetic). I would say he would do certain things for me or be romantic and it was all lies. I wanted my then boyfriend to be something he wasn’t, I wanted him to be like my friend’s boyfriend or like the men I would see on social media. I was messing things up for my relationship. I was causing pain, misery, depression, arguments, resentment, and heartbreak. I did something I should have never done, I should have never played this game……. you know what game I’m talking about……. the comparison game.

Each relationship is different, every relationship is genuine, there are weaknesses and strengths in every relationship. Despite what you see on social media or what you hear from friends NO relationship is perfect. In my mind, I had this picture of my ideal boyfriend. That was my problem I wanted my boyfriend to be the picture I had in my head and because he wasn’t I told myself he wasn’t good enough when truth was he wasn’t a terrible boyfriend and did possess some good qualities that I was neglecting. It was bad enough comparing my friend’s relationships to mines and not realizing that relationships should not be duplicated. What worked for someone else relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it was going to work for mines. Truth is I shouldn’t want to be like someone else’s relationship. I wasn’t appreciating all the hard work I had put into my relationship or the work my partner had put into it. I was displaying jealousy which was a nasty attribute and made it difficult for me to appreciate the relationship I did have.

Focusing on someone else’s relationship will cause problems and make your partner question why are you so focused on someone else’s boyfriend instead of your own? No one wants to feel like they’re not good enough and have to be in competition with someone else. Stop comparing or wishing your boyfriend was like your friend’s boyfriend or what you see on social media. You are not seeing the full picture. You are only noticing what is in front of you. No one knows what happens behind closed doors. You are only seeing what is posted on social media and assuming that relationship is doing good or she is lucky to have him. For all you know couples who post on social media about their awesome relationship are probably the ones lacking with trust issues or other problems and feel like they have to prove to the world they are doing just fine (or they really are just fine lol, much love to those power couples). But, we have seen that play out so many times on tv and social media. Just like you may be looking at your friend thinking she is lucky to have him as her man, she may be looking at you thinking you’re the lucky one. To me, a great relationship is about two things, first appreciating the similarities and respecting the differences, everyone defines a great relationship differently.

If you have a man who loves and respects you and treats you good understand that is God blessing you. Most importantly, if you have a man that loves and worship God that’s even better. Sometimes women can pray for a good man and when we are blessed with him we try to find something wrong with him. We will compare him to other men we have dated or to an ex. We will compare behavior, mannerisms, and actions. Unfortunately, that was my case and I missed out on so many good men trying to compare them to my ex or other relationships and even though there were other problems in my previous relationship, the comparison game had a major impact towards the end of my relationship. Finding a good man today is very hard because most men just want to hook up and date every girl they see on Instagram. Be grateful for the man God has blessed you with, He specifically designed that man for you. Don’t look for things to complain about, don’t compare or wish he was someone else, if God has blessed you with a man who doesn’t ignore you, disrespect you, shows you you’re a priority in his life, and someone who doesn’t play games that was God writing your love story. Remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, its greener where you water it, so take time and water your relationship so it can stay healthy and strong. If you are like me be patient, don’t try to rush or force yourself into a relationship because it will turn out wrong. When you trust God it ALWAYS works out right ALWAYS. Don’t worry, keep the faith, and know that God is writing your love story too! I hope this has blessed you because writing it has blessed me. Let me know your thoughts and opinions, or questions. Tell me what’s your recipe for a great relationship?

Written by Jasmeen Sims

4 Comments

@sunkistsongz

When I get a man from God I will try to remember not to compare him to anyone else’s man ! I pray that my soulmate is being prepared like I am ! So that we may enjoy one another when the time comes ! Keep God’s will in your unspoken prayer requests for me if you can !!! Thank you for sharing !

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Jasmeen Sims

AMEN!!! That was a huge problem for me was comparing my ex to my sister boyfriend and other men. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last, but I thank God it didn’t because he was not the one for me! I know that God will bless me with a man who will love and respect me. Right now I think its best I focus on me and my relationship with God and I know He will bless me with Mr. Right! I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Thank you for the kind and supportive words. I’m happy you enjoy it!

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Laura

Wow! Words of wisdom for sure. You are definitely on a path to a healthy relationship. I wish you the best if you have not found him yet. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should have. Only you know what makes you happy. Love this!

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Jasmeen Sims

Thank you!!!! Even though I am in no rush to hop back into a relationship lol, when the time is right I know God will bless me with a Great a man! 🙂

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