Sometimes words just cannot express how you feel. When you’re sitting alone thinking about the years you spent with that man and for it to end like this, you can’t help but to burst out crying. You are crying like a baby. You could have never imagined heartbreak would hurt so much. I understand there is more to life than a man, I know there are other things to be concerned with in this world, but when a woman feels like she has found the one, she will put her ALL into the relationship. She will give her heart and body to him, she will put him first in EVERYTHING even before herself, she thinks he will love her the way she loves him, and then suddenly, the relationship ends. It is this moment, you’re not worried about anything else in the world besides him and wanting answers of what went wrong. Crying is built up emotions you have held in for too long and when something traumatizing such as a heartbreak happens, it’s good to release all those emotions and feelings you have been keeping inside.
When things ended with my ex it seemed like no matter where I was or what I was doing, something always reminded me of him. Whether it was a restaurant we went to, a movie we saw, or even certain songs that played on the radio or in my playlist, I would get teary-eyed and eventually start crying. For the longest time, I had to take a different route home from work because there was a billboard of the movie, Fifty Shades Darker off the freeway ramp and every time I saw that billboard I wanted to cry because it reminded me of when we saw the first movie, Fifty Shades of Grey. I love music by The Weekend, but there are certain songs I can’t listen to because they remind me of him. I try to be strong and not think of him, how much he hurt me, or the little things that reminded me of him, but being strong is difficult. I wanted to stop crying and move on, but it was so hard. There were times I would go about my day like there was nothing wrong. I would look at friends, family, or co-workers and see them laughing and smiling, having a good time and there I was sitting at the table, on the couch, or in a chair hurting inside wishing I could truly be enjoying myself too. I couldn’t though because deep down I wanted to cry, all I was thinking about is him, hoping he would call or text me. I was the type of person if you asked me, “are you okay”? I would start crying right there. Holding back tears was becoming harder and harder especially when you have been pretending to be strong for so long.
I was trying to be strong in getting over my ex because in a way that’s what I was being pressured to do. When you’re talking to friends or family they tend to talk you into moving on quickly, I would hear, “you need to get over him”, “he wasn’t right for you”, “he didn’t treat you good anyways”, or “girl he is not thinking about you’’. Not all advice is good advice. You’re friends may think they are giving good advice, but they could be creating more harm. You’re already fragile, hurt, sad, and depressed, do you really want to hear those things about a man you loved? Yes, much of it may be true, but it is not necessarily what I can bear to hear at the moment. I’m not sure what I wanted to hear, overly optimistic statements such as, “things will get better”, “you will find someone who will treat you good”, or “everything happens for a reason” were also hard to process, because I just wasn’t ready to hear them. I know that sounds silly, but really all I wanted in my pain was to talk to him and for us to be back together period!
Let it out and understand it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to grieve over a breakup. My breakup felt like it was a death and some women may find that to be stupid. I had the right to be sad, depressed, stressed, have a loss of appetite, be moody, or mad and so many other emotions. I wish I could be one of those women who could breakup and weeks later be in a new relationship (not sure if that’s a good thing either), but that wasn’t me. Many women project their feelings of what they did when dealing with heartbreak. However, please understand YOU and other women are two DIFFERENT people. Your feelings are not their feelings. Your emotions are not their emotions. Handling things differently is fine. Don’t deny your emotions for the sake of being strong because of family, friends, or because you think he has moved on. Cry, let go of anger, anxiety, depression, and guilt. Do not put yourself down or criticize yourself because you are crying over a man you were in love with, it is 100% normal. Don’t give yourself a deadline of when you will be over him. It took almost a year for me to finally let go, it may take you weeks or months. Healing takes time, the quickest way to get over a breakup is NOT underneath another man because it could lead to regret. Heed this saying, “the right attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking he might be the one”. You are not at your strongest and this “new man” knows it and will take advantage of you because you are trying to get rid of the pain, you may not realize it until it is too late. This is not the answer, if you allow this to happen you will feel worse than you did before.
It will take time to get over your ex. Don’t hate him for how he ended things. Pray for him, forgive, and let go. The longer you stay mad and depressed you are only hurting yourself. You will miss out on so many blessings by holding on to anger. This is where self-reflecting is important. Did you really see a future with him? Is he husband material? Did he have God in his life? These are questions I had to ask myself. Understand that God allowed this man to walk away for a reason. Instead of asking “why”, try to understand the purpose, although painful, it is a blessing. Now that you are single and healing, focus on you and the goals you want to accomplish. God wants you to focus on you, He saw that your life was centered around him like my life was centered around my ex and now that your single, you can focus on growing stronger in your faith, gaining a better relationship with God and not putting Him on a back burner. Get better emotionally, physically, and spiritually. God is preparing you for better things you may not see it now, but trust God will open the right doors at the right time.